On gratitude, angels, frustration, and starting again

This week brought a lot of lessons – on gratitude, on remembering my angels, and allowing myself to feel frustration at coming *thisclose* to a goal and having to readjust.

I was in a car accident this week, last Monday night to be specific. It was a head-on collision – I was on a main, right-of-way road, and a driver on the intersecting road didn’t even slow down at her stop sign, and decided instead to drive straight into me. My car was nearly totaled, and our cars had to be pulled apart.

So, bad accident, but I came out of it relatively unscathed. I spent all Monday night in the ER, having and EKG, chest and spine x-rays, and a CT scan, because I was having a lot of chest pain and it felt hard to breathe. Diagnosis was a pretty bruised chest cavity. Considering how bad my car looked, I am very grateful to have come out it with no major damage and just chest pain/soreness. I know it could have been a lot worse.

I have some pretty good guardian angels who travel with me.

I was home on pain meds Tuesday and Wednesday, and was only able to work a half day Thursday and Friday before I had to come home, take more pain meds, and sleep. But I’m getting better day by day. Today, I didn’t need pain meds other than ibuprofen, but I still get tired very easily, so I can’t do a whole lot and need to rest and take it easy.

I’m grateful that a week out, I am ok enough to have downgraded to just taking ibuprofen.

But I’m also feeling sad and frustrated. I’ve been training for a marathon – my first. The marathon is next weekend. I’ve been training since November, and the training has been the big consuming force in my life. My weekend’s have revolved around scheduling my long run. A lot of nights when I didn’t feel like exercising I dragged my butt to the gym to get in training runs.

Last week, I was pretty sick with some viral crud – fever, sore throat, lots of coughing. I very rarely get cold/flu sick, and it knocked me out for a week. I didn’t train last week, and then this week I was in the accident. Realistically, I just don’t see how I can go from needing to take a nap after just sitting for a few hours to pushing my body to the limit and running four hours or more next weekend.

So, I’m processing my sadness and frustration about that, and allowing myself to be disappointed. But I’m also going to start looking out for another marathon, maybe one that is 8 weeks out, and jumping back into my training at that point.

I know I will complete a marathon. And I definitely grateful to be here, and to be pretty ok. I know it could have been a lot worse, and I’m grateful beyond belief that it wasn’t worse. I’m grateful for my amazing Husband, who has been amazing, like he always is. I’m grateful for good medical insurance, and good car insurance. But I get to be frustrated, too.

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